Interview with Hillary Clinton

Here at the CairoScene offices we pride ourselves in only interviewing the best. For the past few months we have lobbied the American foreign office for an interview with our fellow Muslim-in-arms Barack Hussein Mohamed Ahmed Mohamed Obama, or at least another famous black person such as Cee-Lo Green. Today they responded and said we would be meeting one of America’s most influential people. But it would not be Barak Obama. As we waited excitedly for Cuba Gooding JR or Oprah to arrive, our hearts dropped when Hillary Clinton walked in*.  However, as they say, the show must go on…

So, Hillary what do you think of the Arab Spring?

I very much enjoyed It, I was really surprised that you guys had such good mineral water. Ohhhhhhhh, sorry, you meant the ARAB SPRING! Yes it’s nice, Egypt finally has democracy like us ‘Mericans – the first democracy in the world!

Erm? Didn’t France give you guys the Statue of Liberty to celebrate the fact that America finally got democracy a little later than everyone else?

*She stares at us with a blank expression for a few minutes*

The country which invented the Big Mac invented democracy.

So, what do you think of our new president?

He kind of looks like a chipmunk which is cute, and cute things are harmless. Like, could you imagine a chipmunk oppressing anyone? That’s why I don’t get what the fuss over this Brotherhood thing. They seem swell and fluffy. He didn’t shake my hand which at first I though was representative of how they treat women but then I was like nahhhhhhhh, he was probably just having a bad day.

We hear today you will be meeting the Generals?

Yes I have an appointment with them in like a couple of hours. Those guys are a real hoot – one of them spanks my ass every time we see each other. It’s just this thing we have.  He spanks me and I giggle and pretend to protest against what they have done.

We have an old saying in Egypt, one which the Bedouins still use: “Those who let their husbands get blow jobs from Monica Lewinsky can’t control anything.” Do you think that applies to you?

*She starts to get serious*

No, I don’t think there is any correlation between blowjobs from Monica Lewinsky and control. Control is based on how many guns you have, ermm oops, I mean ballots. Ballots.

*She then stands up and runs around the room shouting: “I will cut of your penis Bill, I should have been president, VIVA LA REVOLUCION.”*

One hour later we calm Hilary down enough to ask our final question:

Seeing as Egypt was a civilisation 7,000 years ago when America wasn’t even a country, do you really think America has the right to interfere or comment on Egyptian policy?

America has always been a country, you are crazy! STFU!

We would like to thank Hillary Clinton for coming to visit the MO4 CairoScene offices and we very much look forward to seeing her again when our new president is announced… in six months.

 * There is a very real possibility that we may have made this interview up