Six pieces is a joke and nine pieces just isn’t enough. We have McNeeds, McDonald’s, serious McNeeds.
Dear Mr. (Ronald?) McDonald,
It has recently come to our attention here at CairoScene that your establishment now seems to deal in bulk amounts of nuggets, something in the neighbourhood of 50? 50 McNuggets? For $9.99? Am I getting that right?
We’re proud to see you’re embracing the all-American spirit of excess and taking giant strides in the fields of McScience, but we have one simple inquiry to ask of you; How about you bring that over here, yeah? Us Egyptians need some McLovin' too.
What’s the deal, friendo? Do you not think we deserve a 50 piece McThing of McNuggets? Do we not do enough? Have you any idea how much that amount of nuggets can make our lives easier? Well let me tell you, sir, what the 50 nugg box will do to us in Egypt:
Help Bring McFamilies Together
Instead of every family member getting their own thing and ruining the social element of eating, we could all just feast on a little hill of McHappiness together, as a family. Or maybe me and the McMissus (wherever she is) want a nice light meal on our sunny picnics in El 7adeeqa El Dawleya? 50 pieces can mean a lot of McRomance, sir.
Have you ever seen the 6th of October bridge? The Me7war? Do you think 9 pieces is enough for a trip back home? 50 is barely enough to cut it, McDonald, barely enough. And think about the potential road rage you’ll be preventing; the people driving around me could be doing vertical donuts for all I care if I had my 50 piece riding shotgun.
Cairo is known for its kickass house parties, and your food is almost always a mainstay at any party, so why not make everyone’s night that much more interesting with a 50 piece? Think how adorable we’d look passed out around a mound of nuggets, like a bunch of hungover cultists. Or maybe it can be an upscale event (rich people like nuggets too), think of all the caviar McNuggets on a bed of…..money.
We do serious journalism.
Studies have shown (somewhere out there) that McNuggets are extremely effective at sucking up all the alcohol that somehow manages to get into people’s system. So not only will you be making a killing, you’ll be preventing sick days at the office, and maybe even literal death.
I am a writer at CairoScene, sir; I see things no man should see, do things no man should do, and I find solace in your McFood, and a 50 piece McWhy would definitely help maintain my productivity and mental well-being. Do you know how much actual McTherapy costs?
And these are just few of the reasons why us proud, upstanding Egyptian folk need your newest offering, Mr. McDonald (if that’s even your real name). Life is too short to deprive your overseas patrons of some of the best you can McOffer.
Kinda sincerely yours,
Ahmed “Nugs Not Drugs” Ikram