Friday March 29th, 2024
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How (Not) to Create an Event

Facebook admins do the darndest things.

Staff Writer

Unfortunately, here at MO4, for large portions of my day I am engulfed in ‘Social Media’ which is a nice term for saying spam and/or fucking about on Facebook. I have been told that I am in fact now 70% social media and 30% human and, as such, I have come to be what you might call a ‘Fucking about on Facebook expert’. That means, I can easily tell the difference between good social media and bad social media. This is a good thing because, as kid, I always wanted to be a social media expert even before Facebook and Twitter were invented. But it’s also not such a good thing because I now have social media OCD which means when I see incorrect use of grammar, links or bad graphics online, I feel like I want to chop my hands off.

With New Year’s Eve round the corner, not only is this a time for re-inventing, reassessing and being around loved ones, but also a time for bombarding people’s notifications with invites to parties they would never go to in a million years. It’s also the time of year in which I do heavy research into hand prosthetics. Here’s why:

 CATARACT NEW YEARS PARTYhttps://www.facebook.com/events/125194660975457/

I suspect the graphic designer was on Tramadol

Text:

We Presents For U a Great Gig With Amazing’ Djs

Let’s forget the obvious syntax error in this sentence; I want to know which school in Egypt teaches children to start each new word with a Capital Letter. It does not emphasise how Amazing the Djs are, it emphasizes Your Dyslexia.

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀

Large horizontal line with vertical purple lines explain to you that you are about to start reading about the amazing DJs. Not to be confused with telling you that there are amazing DJs. Thank you for making the distinction.

★ Line Up ★

Stars show that this ‘Line Up’ will be special. Maybe if Egyptians spent less time researching Facebook emoticons and geometric shapes that are non-existent on a keyboard, and more time downloading good music, we wouldn’t be in this mess. There is a reason stars aren’t on a keyboard: there is no sentence in which ★s are mandatory grammar. Except that one.

╚►Exotic-Eve

If Nicole Saba had a baby with a Mcdonalds Happy meal toy and the baby grew up and became a DJ, it would look like Exotic Eve. She’s exotic (Russian?) and she is a woman (woman?). It doesn’t matter how large her record collection is, just how large her cleavage is.

╚►Tamer Fouda

Tamer Fouda will be the biggest  hit out of the 6 DJs playing. We’re assuming this because he is wearing aviators in the picture and is thus the coolest. It is important to have a lot of DJs because 6 of them roughly equal 1 decent one. Also then when the organizers decide not to pay them it is easy to say “bos ya basha, ma7adesh aslan men el deeshays 5ad felos’hom“.

╚► Weela
Please note the arrow in front of every DJ’s name. Before I saw this arrow my eyes kept wandering outside of the computer screen. Thank you for re-directing my attention.

╚►F.I D.O

F.I.D.O? Is he the same as Feedo? This is awkward because DJ Feedo is also playing here at White Club for NYE… along with Exotic Eve. I mean come on; if you’re going to promote a DJ, at least make sure they’re going to turn up. Oh wait, wait.. DJ Feedo is also playing at Opium NYE here. What the fuck? Either you’re giving us false hope of a night with DJ Feedo on the ter3a or Feedo’s gone and nicked Santa’s sleigh.

╚► Shady Maher

Third from left in the poster, pointing at you and giving us that look like: Yeah, underneath these decks, I’m wanking off to Exotic Eve.

╚►Omar Vinyl

Nearly forgot this guy – my eye wandered off, sorry. So, Omar Vinyl used to be called Omar MP3. Before that, he was Omar Floppy Disk. He then found out that vinyl is cooler. He’s never used a vinyl in his life. He thinks it’s what ma7shy is wrapped in.

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀

◕◕ Tickets Price ◕◕

Note the tiny pie charts. They were thorough with their pricing, but not with their font size.

• Main Area: [ Just ask for the " REGULAR TICKET " ]

To the person attending this party: Do NOT confuse the main area with the less important area.

► Ticket Regular . Pre Sale : 100 L.E [ Out Door ]

Out door… Out door.

► On Door : 150 L.E
( Including 1 Hard Drink )

Come on now, we know you’re a baller if you’re going to Cataract NYE and you’re going to want more than 1 hard drink. You don’t fuck about with soft drinks. See VIP section…

==◣ VIP ◢==

Notice how they’ve made the VIPs feel special with upside right-angled triangles and equal signs, the universal symbols for VIP. I wasn’t sure if I was a VIP or not but then I saw the triangles and equal signs, now I know.

Egyptian pound : Pre Sale : 200 L.E [ Out Door ]
On Door : 250 L.E
( Including 3 Hard Drink )

200 LE will get you 3 Jonnie Wallers or 3 Chifas.

[ Free Bouchen ]

Free BouchEn for your Jonnie Waller

[ Ladies Free .. From 9 : 12 ]

Optimistic…

• For Info & Reservation Contact Us Mob :
0122 77 24 9 34 = 0111 11 89 8

Your maths is wrong, 1227724934 does not equal 1111189 8. 

BBM PIN :- 28BC3653

Tempted to add him to see what super cool emoticons he’s downloaded to his Blackberry 7290.

Organized & Powered By : A.T.A Events

Organized By :
A.T.A Events& Panic Events & Dont Stop The Music Entertainment

Although the event has been organized by A.T.A, do not forget to give props to Panic Events (makes sense) and Don’t Stop The Music Entertainment. These are more than likely the same company in order to confuse the darayeb people.

Now if the organisers of this event are reading this: Do not be mad, I have just given you more promotion than you could hope for and taught you a valuable lesson on fucking about on Facebook. You’re welcome.

 

Update: See my apology here