Whaz' apouz za failz?
Leo finally won an Oscar - YAY! The bear is said to be in a deep state of depression, though. Sorry, bear; we were rooting for you. Better luck next year, Mr. Bear. If it is any consolation, Leo is not the centre of attention anymore. A genius from Youm7 took it upon herself to inquire about Di Caprio's win on behalf of the nation and "whats abouts yours" was born. As much as we may be embarrassed to be internationally labelled as incompetent Egyptians because of her particular question style, we have found inspiration to bring to you the seven funniest not-so-English attempts by Egyptian public figures - we just can’t bring ourselves to say 'celebrities'.
“Whaz’ apouz zfirs Ooscarz fir you Leo?”
We don’t get why people are not understanding this question. There is a very logical explanation. Akeed ya3ni! Leo was about to leave and she obviously noticed his cars were leaving him behind and wanted to warn him; so, she asked him: “Whaz' apouz zfirs Ooscars fir you Leo?” Or, to clarify, “What about those cars? For you Leo?” Just typical of humans to unfairly judge the nice reporter who is struggling and trying hard to utilise her second language.
In contrast to his fellow vandals of the English language, he is actually cute and likeable just the way he is. He fails to pronounce everything; even all the celebrities’ names. Yet for some reason, it comes across as less insulting or annoying when compared to the others. Good for you, Yaya! If you run into Leo, tell him that the bear is still very depressed.
This guy takes language and intellectual vandalism to all the possible levels in existence. Seriously, Okasha, enough is enough! You are a damn fool in Arabic, why are you trying to be a fool in more than one language? Okasha, find a cave on some far away island, curl up alone in a corner, and cry for the rest of your life. Were we not straightforward enough?
End of Text Man
On the 13th of September 2015, the end was here; literally. Our esteemed Minister of Foreign (rakezzo ma3ana fe kelmit foreign wennabi bas) Affairs attended a press conference with his Indian counterpart, and took after the artist Shaaban Abdelraheem who always felt the need to say he finished the song when he was at the end by literally saying “khalast khalas” (I finally finished). It's good to know that our representative for all foreign countries cares so much about promoting culture by taking a sha3by singer as a role model.
Mwah Ya Fifi
It is no coincidence that she is number five on our list; yes, number FIVE. Famous for throwing around her ‘5amsa Mwah’, she is also making a name for herself utilising her superb English language knowledge. “A sweeir A lave you, A sweeir; mwah”. Not that I am a fan or anything, but I am sure that as a fan I would have preferred the regular Arabic version without the slobbering 'mwah'.
‘Cum’ ‘in’ ‘Egypt’ ‘it’ ‘is’ ‘safe’
We're actually kind of worried, now. No one told us about the time it wasn’t safe to cum in Egypt. Do we have STDs or something, now? Should we have worn a condom? You do know that “in” and “to” are very different?
Shut Up Your Mouse Obama
And there you were, Obama, worrying about everything except your ‘mouse’ problem. Seriously, man! No mice allowed in The White House, especially if your mouse talks that much.