You know how India has rickshaw drivers and North Korea has Kim Jong-Un? Well, Egypt has these...
Economy may not be Egypt's strongest suit in this precise moment; inflation rates are going through the roof and unemployment is pretty much the norm here. But we certainly know how to overcome that with grace, dignity, and inventiveness! While everybody else is busy working the flesh off their bones to get their kids through law school, we teach our kids to look beyond the economic landscape – do people really need doctors and lawyers? Not in Egypt, here we need parking spots, 3er2souss, torturous grooming techniques, fava beans, human alarm clock enforcers, gas canister,s and clutter evacuation.
Some countries think they're the only ones with parking problems – first world problems of parking problems, that is. Parking in Egypt is near impossible, but not entirely – that's why you have soyas standing on every corner and crack in Egypt, milking you for money in return for the valuable service of helping you find a parking spot that you spotted before him!
People buy things all the time – they buy them and then they get bored with them and outgrow them and then these things end up collecting dust and taking up storage space. And because flea markets in Egypt are a terrible idea, the robabekya man comes to the rescue. He is like the real-life human clutter vacuum who takes away all your crap, and actually pays you for them – he's cool like that.
Foul Cart Guy
Egypt is the foul nation – no pun intended; we eat it for breakfast, on holidays, special occasions, and even romantic dinner dates. People all over the world are constantly raving about canned foul and big foul franchises, but that definitely comes nothing next to the foul you get from the guy behind a foul cart!
Forget the snooze button – in Ramadan, you have the mesa7araty who will wake you up before dawn. This guy will not let you go back to sleep, he will keep going and going until you're having your suhour. Thanks to him, you actually have a chance at surviving the following fasting hours without fainting in the morning. Yes, we know, with technology and all we can do his job ourselves – but no, you must deal with him; he's tradition!
Before shaving there was sugar waxing *cringe*, and we definitely excel in this literally painfully satisfying technique. We are the masters of all that is sticky and sweet! 7alawa lady makes house calls, packs her sugar wax, rolls at your place, makes you strip, and stays there as long as it takes to get those limbs shining like daddy's bald spot!
Americans may have given the world spies, superheroes, and action movies, but we, Egyptians, are natural-born badasses. You must understand that real badassery comes in the form of people cycling around with gas canisters strapped to their bikes. As a nation, we like to have fun while simultaneously pushing the envelope when it comes to public safety, so we drum on compressed combustible gas with a wrench!
We don't actually know how many people love liquorice in its solid form, let alone its liquid state – but we can guess a lot, because we have vendors who make it their life's mission to spread this gastronomical catastrophe!