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Hani Shukrallah: From the Heart

ElBaradei is Not a Blow-Up Doll

Our latest recruit, Abo A7a, explains why you're wrong and Mohamed 'Bob' ElBaradei is right.

Lots of people are really excited that the police killed over 600 people the other day. Sorry, not people. Evil, foaming-at-the-mouth, sub-human barbarians...Who may or may not be your neighbours. Isn’t it awesome!? They’re dead!

What’s with that pansy-ass bitch ElBaradei trying to rain on our massacre parade? Wait, it’s not a massacre. It’s a...revolution! Calling killing 600 people in a coordinated assault with heavily armed security forces a massacre is as ridiculous as calling a speedy extra-legal seizure of the state by a group of elites facilitated by the military a coup. A dictionary might do it, but not democrats like us.

Sorry, I can’t keep doing this. My parents paid way too much money for me not to be an ignorant idiot to continue with this garbage. Wednesday’s dispersal was stupid. Stupid is being generous. You cannot vanquish an organisation that has survived 80 years of suppression with a crackdown on a sit in. They are going nowhere. The sooner we realise that, the sooner we can focus on moving forward. Egypt won’t be without the Brotherhood anytime in the foreseeable future. We have to find a way to deal with them rather than just demonise them. I hate them too but they’re here to stay.

All Wednesday did was make them angrier, more prone to violence and drive them further into the shadows. In case it’s not obvious, we want them less in the shadows. We’d like them as exposed as possible in the public sphere. They’re much less dangerous there.

Basically if politics was a swimming pool they’re in the deep end now and we want them wading in the kiddie pool. You know that shallow-ass, half meter pool that’s awkwardly warm and you’re not sure if it’s just because it’s shallow or because lots of kids with no control over their bladders have been peeing in it? That’s where we want them, in the pee pool.

As for ElBaradei, Tamarod (and everyone else) is pissed at him for resigning. Their condemnation of him proves one thing, first and foremost: when they said they wanted ElBaradei to be prime minister, what they meant was that they wanted a blow-up doll wearing rounded glasses to be prime minister, not an individual with actual judgement or principles. ElBaradei isn’t prepared to, ehem, provide blow-up-doll-like services to the security apparatus at the moment (shocking a Nobel Peace Prize Laureate wouldn’t like that sort of thing) and the “frustration” of some that comes from that sort of rejection is being expressed through condemnations of him. Let’s face it, no one likes the blue balls that comes from unrequited fascism. I can understand it.

Here’s the truth that I think a lot of you realise and the rest of you will soon figure out. ElBaradei, Bob, he’s usually right about these sort of things and every time he does something like this, he’s a week ahead of almost everyone else. So what happens? He does something right, everyone gets pissed at him for doing it at the time and then a week or month later we respect him for it. This is one of those times. It’s just a little more obvious than usual.


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