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The Jama'a Islamiya's Egypt

The Jama'a al-Islamiya is insistent that Article Three in the constitution will set forth the Armageddon, a world of incest, Satanists, porn and... wait for it... gays. Eihab Boraie wholeheartedly agrees..

Recently, the Jama'a al-Islamiya accused the constitutional committee of launching a war to eliminate Islam. You would think the committee was planning to demolish mosques or perhaps stop the printing of millions of new Qu'ran. However that is not the case. The controversy that has Jama'a al-Islamiya's djellabeyas in a bunch is Article Three which stipulates, "For Egyptian Christians and Jews, the principles of their religious law will be the main source in regulating their personal status, matters pertaining to their religion, and the selection of their spiritual leadership."

This will effectively give freedoms to the laws of non-Islamic faiths without specifying details. In extremist fashion the Jama'a al-Islamiya - according to Egypt Independent - believe that this article will lead to an "outbreak of approved incest and same sex marriages, while giving freedom to Atheistic, Pornographic or Satanist groups". Brilliant. We are very much intrigued to see what this strange and new world heralded in by one tiny ammendment to the constitution...

Clearly Egyptians will stop checking out their cousins and start looking no further than the room (or indeed bed) next door. From childhood everyone will have found a love, and won't need to socialize outside the home to meet a their mate. Weddings become instantly smaller (and far more cost-effective) as only one family is celebrating. Having children will no longer be an option, as it becomes genetically impossible, resulting in a dwindling population, which in turn reduces the traffic problems facing the country.

The moment article three is changed, everyone will instantly become gay. This is great news for the population, inevitably decreasing divorce rates with most better able to find common ground with members of the same sex. Facebook friends drastically decrease to manageable numbers. Men will begin holding hands when walking the streets. Wait a minute they already do that, so I guess they will just start publicly making out. Women will finally find equality in their relationships, Once again population decreases and traffic gets better.

Article three is changed and everyone renounces religions. They realise there aren't many differences in the major religions and that God makes no sense in a world with genocide. Konafa with bacon becomes Egypt's new national dish. For the first time ever Egypt finds itself at peace as haters have nothing to hate on. The few who can't stand all the peace, become Satanists. Mcdonald's sales instantly drop, making for a healthier society, as the satanists regroup outside there restaurants sacrificing cats and drinking their blood. All of sudden cats disappear entirely and Egypt is declared a dog-loving country.

Somewhere in this country is a porn director waiting to film two Satanist brothers going at it in hardcore fashion. All he is waiting for is Article Three to pass, and when it does, the porn industry is rejuvenated overnight. Cinema theaters across Egypt re-brand themselves as Adult theatre, and since there is a lack of babies due to all the incest and homosexuality, audience-goers find themselves able to watch a full movie uninterrupted by deafening screams of infants.
Bring on Article Three...