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9 Ramadan Hacks Everyone Needs to Know

Want to indulge your gluttonous self without sacrificing the afterlife? Here are nine ways you can get the best of both worlds. Sort of.

Humans are complicated. On the one hand, we would like nothing more than to go to heaven, but on the other, exquisite worldly pleasures and itching desires! You may try to fight temptations with all your might this Ramadan but your subconscious, your hedonistic alter ego, your inner Black Swan won’t let you and this is where we come in. Here is how you can have your Basboussa and eat it too!          

Menstruate

Heaven hath no bliss like a Muslim woman on her period in Ramadan! Suddenly all the cramping, mood swings and sexist Mad Men moments seem worth it!

Gargle

Ramadan is probably the only time of the year we Muslims look forward to ablution. Out of those five minutes it take to wash up before each prayer, like four and a half are spent gargling in the hope that a drop or two will ‘accidentally’ slip into your throat.       

Sleep

Last time we checked, oversleeping by eight hours is totally fine by God!  

Second Hand Smoke

Just because you are fasting doesn’t mean everybody else has to, so if you were to magnanimously offer your heathen friend a cigarette and selflessly insist they take a cigarette break and not leave the room that is practically charity!   

Game of Thrones

Okay, Game of Thrones is not exactly halal, but hey, it’s not like you are watching porn! What is a few full frontal nude scenes here and there?    

Travel

Only 82 Km – the minimum distance you need to travel to break your fast as per most Muslim scholars – separate you from that chilled glass of sparkling water! You don’t even need to get your passport stamped for that, you could just go round da2ery a couple of times and you’re golden!   

Forget

Okay, so this is a little tricky but if you can damage just enough brain cells to develop minor dementia, we believe you can pull this off!  

Swim

It is not your fault swimming involves water and water is a fluid that continuously flows and deforms and getting some (a lot!) in your mouth is unavoidable. Sorry, not sorry! Ok, a little sorry.    

Emancipate a Slave

Some say you can get away with not fasting in Ramadan if you free a slave – a sweet deal for CEOs observing the holy month!

Special thanks to Cairo Scene's Ziko AKG and Hala Amin and MO4's Mostafa Habib for their Oscar worthy GIF acting!

Main image photographed by Osama Selim. 


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