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Definitely Real: Video of Russians Finding Aliens In Egypt

Cue the Masri-style X-Files theme.

In the tradition of the grainy, poorly filmed footage that made Roswell in America such a big hit, a video has emerged from the cold authoritarian expanse of Russia showing what is definitely Soviet KGB agents discovering a 13,000-year-old extra-terrestrial mummy in Giza. 
 
Allegedly part of a top secret ‘Project ISIS’, decades before that name would be totally ruined forever for everyone, the video shows Soviet officials cracking open a sarcophagus to reveal a seriously messed up looking mummy who is definitely, most likely, probably an alien. The source for the video claims that it was discovered in secret KGB archives by the Russian Mafia.
 
Project ISIS supposedly included numerous Egyptologists from the Soviet Academy of Sciences, and was led by an aid of the late president Gamal Abdel Nasser and former Egyptian Minister of Presidential Affairs, Sami Sharaf. The project’s apparent purpose was to discover evidence of the Ancient Astronaut Theory, proving that the wonders of ancient civilizations were built by aliens – because that is so much more plausible than brown and black people building them during a time period when Europeans were rubbing sticks together and pooping all over themselves.
 
Check out the definitely real video below and don’t try to argue with us: 

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