Previous Post
The Reality of Bolitics
Next Post
Keeping Up with the Kiwi

The Diary of Felix

Earlier this evening Felix Baumgartner became the first person to successfully break the sound barrier on a free fall flight on behalf of Red Bull. Everyone is wondering, tweeting, brooding, WHAT MUST HE BE THINKING RIGHT NOW?

Luckily CairoScene had someone on the inside…

8:35 AM: Alarm rings. Puts pillow over head. Clicks snooze.

8:40 AM: Alarm goes off. Clicks snooze.

8:45 AM: Alarm goes off. Clicks snooze.

9:00 AM: Begrudgingly gets up and goes to shower. *Singing in the shower* “I am a space man doo doo doo I’m a space man doo doo.”

9:20 AM: In shower. Playing with his toy rocket. “Ja Ja Ja Jaaaaa… Lift Off!”

9:50 AM: Getting changed in his room.

10:00 AM: “Mater, Mater! Where is my underwear?”

10:02 AM: “No Mater not these! The one with za Superman on it!”

10:20 AM: Dresses in a suit. Walks out of house and his mother yells, “Lazem telbes fanella la7san tebrad.”

5:00 PM: Posing for press drinking Red Bull with the Roswell base camp team. Mutters under his breath “Blagh. Ich hasse RedBull.”

6:00 PM: Sitting in pod awaiting lift off. Looks out into space. “Are you proud of me Mater! You said I would never make a career out of falling off things.”

6:30 PM: Calls Jay Z. “We are on schedule, all for the all seeing eye!” Puts hand on heart.

MEANWHILE when 5,000,000 people tune in to watch a man fall out of a balloon, unmarked tankers arrive at Russian Meteor site.
8:00 PM: LANDS! Fuck you Heidi, that will teach you to go off with Herman in the 9th grade. See me now? See me now?!
"Fick dich Heidi!"

9:00 PM: Looks at twitter feed, calls Red Bull. “WTF?! Who the hell was tweeting for me?”

2:00 AM: In Mansion Club Miami grinding with Milia Klunis and Kate Upton. Takes sip from 14 litre Moet. Jay Z tips bartender with tiny diamond.

8:50 AM: Alarm rings. Snooze.