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10 Things Egyptians Are Like... So Totally Over

From Oriental Fusion to fawning over helicopters, we literally can't even...

Haifa Wahbe

Seems like every week there's some new controversy surrounding that balloon-cum-human. Usually sex scandals without the good parts of a sex scandals which is the actual sex. Whilst the regions media still goes crazy everytime she shows a bit of her baps on screen and the censorship bureau ban her latest works after finishing whacking off to them, there's really not that much to get excited about until A) She makes a noteworthy track B) She makes a noteworthy movie C) She makes a noteworthy sex-tape. Your guess is as good as ours as to which comes first.


Remember when we got uber excited everytime a helicopter flew by, like a child in class seeing a stray dog running around in the playground? It meant something revolutionary was happening, it meant change, it meant action, it meant danger, we would take photos and helicopter selfies. With the country under constant security alarm there's a helicopter every time there is more than ten people gathering in one spot. It now means nothing more than annoying noise.

Revolution Movies
Revolutionists have given up following Mubarak's acquittal, the felol are all at TIU and everyone else is too apathetic or too busy working on their "inner" selves to change the country. No matter how many times you re-hash the revolution from the perspective of a family, of lovers, of a politician, of a cat or a lamp post, documentaries or action thrillers, people are over the rhetoric. More Amr Waked snogging ScarJo less Amr Waked mediating socio-political culture clash in Tahrir.
Balady Chic
Bitch, it's balady for a reason. You ain't foolin' anyone with that fiddy LE fool. No one's really interested in overpaying for a koshari in return for a boho-chich-Egyptianised-kitsch logo, Abu Tarek's will do just fine. On that note, them Downtown white gurrls need to stop wearing soda bottle caps as earrings.
Rustic Interiors
It seems the aesthetic that will define our generation is that pseudo-shabby, worn out wood-bare scaffolding-brick wall-we're-too-cool-to-actually-furnish-our-establishment-but-will-spend-just-as-much-money-to-make-it-look-like-we-have-done-nothing feel. We have seen the world, Europe stopped doing this in the '00s and we're okay with actual furniture again.
White People DJing
No we're not being racist, we're talking about the whole unnecessary hysteria revolving around any foreign spinner coming to gig in Cairo despite having no idea who they are. We've got some kick-ass local talent now, and they've started getting the fangirling they deserve!
International Brand Openings
Remember when we used to get all excited when things like Wimpy or Bennetton would open up in Cairo? For any high-street brands we used to travel abroad, now the likes of Ted Baker, 7 For All Mankind and Debenhams all open up within a year and no one bats an eye lid. We guess the grass is always greener...
Oriental Fusion Bands
Awel 7aga, Oriental is not a genre of music, tany 7aga Fusion is not a genre of music, so togezar, Oriental and Fusion don't really amount to much but chop suey. It was interesting at first, hearing those well known Indie and Rock riffs with Arabic lyrics and inflections but it's been so drawn out now we can't really tell one from the other.
Everyone would tune in on the dot to watch Sisi, or Mubarak, or Morsi, or Mostafa Hegazy. We would frantically look for the channel it's airing on, we would live tweet, we would discuss the futility of their dialogue or the beauty of their faces and now... well, actually we have no idea who is talking about what or when. Well played government, well played.
What was once the holy shrine of nightlife stature has been relegated to it's rightful place as furniture. No one cares about getting ther biggest, highest, best serviced table at a club anymore, everyone's just out to have fun and not stand around with 300LE glasses of Sprite.