Here are some things your Egyptian mum will definitely appreciate more than a box of chocolates.
Mother’s Day is here and this means only one thing: you must dedicate this day to making the woman who gave you life happy. All other things come secondary to this main purpose. Now you could go the boring route and get her flowers and whatnot, but why not be a really good child and try something that will make mama the happiest lady on earth?
1. Stop smoking.
Whether or not she smokes is irrelevant; she certainly doesn’t want her kids to. Just stop with those little cancerous sticks.
2. Shave your beard.
Mothers don’t like beards. They’re dishelleved. Apparently. Just head over to the 7alla2 today and come back all fresh faced and clean shaven.
3. Dress appropriately.
You know how your mother looks you up and down when you’re wearing ripped jeans and asks if you can not afford to buy jeans or something? And when your nail polish is chipped she looks at your hands disdainfully and says “eh el manzar da?” And how she worries if you’re a boy and you’re wearing skinny jeans? “7ata3raf tekhallef ezzay kida?” Just avoid all that and dress nicely for her today.
4. Listen to Abdel Wahab with her
She’s been begging you for years – just do it.
5. Let the sheb-sheb Hit You This Time
You’re always a moving target when it comes to mama throwing her sheb-sheb at you. Just stand still. Let her hit you with. It will give her so much satisfaction.
6. Watch those God-awful Turkish TV shows she loves with her
Mohannad da 2amar!
7. Eat khobeiza
Khobeiza is gross. No one likes it. But your mum does. Eat it. With a big smile. And say how delicious it is. And teslam edeha. You can go puke in the bathroom later.
8. Go visit teta.
Your mum’s been nagging you for years to go visit your grandma – bit the bullet and go. Listen to her reminisce about the good old days and comment on the atrocities of kids these days.
9. Tell her you’re getting married
Literally nothing will make her happier. Tomorrow you can tell her it’s all a lie.
10. Accept her Facebook request.