Christmas is a magical time, when dreams come true and children and adults alike believe in miracles. We Egyptians don't ask for magic this Christmas; we just want some dollarat and sokar.
2016 marks the year Egyptians realised Santa doesn't exist, but inside each and every one of us is a little child doggedly refusing to believe it and continues to hope that they’re going to wake up from this economic nightmare on Christmas morning to ginger cookies and halal eggnog. So, Santa Baby, be a dear, and think of all the money we didn’t spend and just slip the following under the tree!
You know how they say sugar is addictive? We’ve been out of sugar for months; we’re itching for our fix!
PineapplesPhoto by Facebook user Wishey
Surely news that pineapples are now considered luxury imports and as such will be subject to a 60% tariff increase, has reached the North Pole, so yeah.
Halawet El Mouled
Photo by Facebook user Samir Fakih
Ok, we know that’s like another holiday entirely, like the antithesis of Christmas, but God is love and love is God we are all one, and who doesn't love some halawet el mouled!?
Also, be a good Christian and wrap our presents in 100 dollar bills. Times are hard.
We’ll settle for anything at this point – but not, like, a Daewoo, and none of that solar electric car stuff.
Ok, we hate to be the ones to break it to you – this isn’t the kind of thing they’d report in the North Pole Times, but Donald Trump, you know, from The Apprentice – incidentally, he’s been very very naughty - is the new leader of the free world, and right wing extremism is on the rise in Europe, and you’ve met Sisi, so make some calls.
The Egyptian economy works in mysterious ways, and not even being the CEO of Christmas, Inc. can begin to qualify you to work it out! We just woke up one day and instant coffee was off the table, and we're not talking about espresso here, mind you, this is the Motel 6 of coffee and even that we can't afford.