Previous Post
April 7th
Next Post
Coffee, Conversation & Inspiration

B-WHAT?

You might have seen the “B-White” billboards and commercials on TV, but for those of you who haven’t… you’ve missed out on the greatest creation ever...

A typical B-White commercial scenario starts with a little dark skinned Arab girl dreaming of being a television star (add singing into combs and dressing up in mommy’s heels). Fast forward a few years, the girl is in her early 20s and isn’t doing shit with her life. So mummy decides to whip up the magical bottle of B-White that not only supposedly makes the girl prettier, but also drastically improves her personality and lands her a fantastic job followed by a wonderful career.

Remember the good old days when just shitting in a toilet impressed your parents? Remember when good grades were all that mattered? Or when friends and family loved and accepted you regardless of what you looked like? Well, sorry kids but things have changed! According to B-White, the whiter you are the happier you will be.

I wish B-White had been around when I was growing up as a dark-skinned girl with a super-white best friend. Where was B-White when she would always be called “Ya beida, ya eshta,” while I got comments like “Eh ya chocolata!” Where was B-White when we would walk next to each other  and people would shout “Look, it’s a walking Oreo!” Guess who the creamy white filling was? Not me.

It was heartbreaking and sometimes I would even cry myself to sleep.

Where have you been B-White? You could have changed my childhood. If only I knew about you earlier, I would now be happy and contented and not be stuck in this sucky job at CairoScene where all we do all day is mask our insecurities through debatable humor.

 

May your life be filled with a load of B-White and a lot less sun exposure!

So, I had a couple of questions prepared for the mentally challenged creators of B-White. Have you tested this on an animal? Will it make only my face brighter or am I expected to bathe head to toe in B-White? However, all I was capable of doing was discreetly walk into a pharmacy and ask the pharmacist random questions in a freaky voice about the white, life-changing magic:

 

Are only light-skinned girls considered beautiful?

Pharmacist looks confused.

Can you guarantee that my lighter skin will not only get me a Ken-looking husband, but an amazing job too?

Pharmacist still looks confused.

Do you think I need to use B-White?

Pharmacist finally nods.

I beg your unbelievable pardon?!

Pharmacist looks scared now.

He should be, I went ape shit on the pharmacy, threw everything off the shelves, slammed my head consistently against the counter while I projectile vomited all over the place. No, I didn’t. I just showed him the most heartbreaking walk of shame. What if he was right? Is that the reason I don’t have enough friends? I’ve also noticed that the older I get, the less love my parents have for me! But I never thought it was because I haven’t been using B-White and Fair & Lovely. No, no this can’t be right, I’m going to go to another pharmacy …

Do you have B-white?

No we don’t, but we have something like …

Do you think I need to use B-white?

Silence.

Do you think I need to use B-white?

Ah ya habibtchy, bashritek khamry and you …

Will I get married if I use it?

Yes of course, howa fe ahla men el bayad?

 

B-Scary
Thank you B-White, you have brightened my face and my future.