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Bullshit Resolutions

It's New Year's Eve. Time to get those resolutions affirmed and ready to apply... 2014 is YOUR year, right? Wrong, says Mr. Mosh-Killa.

New Year's Eve. Breathe a sigh of relief, boys and girls. This is where it all changes for you, the dawn of a new era, the most cathartic day of the year, caterpillars turn into butterflies, flowers bloom and the sun shines on everyone like an innocent child’s crayon drawing. All is right with the world because you have decided to make it so; despite living with the same exact brain for your whole life, you’re confident that a few mimetic phrases whispered into the winds from the corners of your mind will make you a better person. Ah yes, the age old tradition of the New Year’s Resolution. The ancient Babylonians would make promises to their gods at the start of each year that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts. The Romans began each year by making promises to the god Janus, after whom the month of January is named. In the Medieval era, knights took the "peacock vow" at the end of the Christmas season each year to re-affirm their commitment to chivalry.

And today we promise that we’ll stop getting drunk... inshallah. We’ll stop smoking cigarettes. We’ll re-connect with our family. We’ll stop taking stupid selfies. We’ll stop mindlessly browsing Facebook, stop taking drugs and start to exercise, work on that life time ambition we’re always going on about, we’ll travel more and stop going out to the same two places…

The actuality of these superficial affirmations is such; you’ve gone out on New Year’s Eve. Yeah, we know you made all these promised to yourself but come on! I, mean, New Year’s Eve right! NEW YEAR’S EVE. TAB3AN LAZEM TOKHROG WE TESKAR. TA3BAN. So, you go out to that same exact venue because this time they’re promising the party of the year! Some friends you know have invited you to come camp with them in the desert… desert? Eh dah! Mafeesh tarabezat fel sa7ara. Your first and lonly drink slowly becomes your tenth, then you’re offered a line in the bathroom. Hey, fuck it, you say, it’s the last line I’m going to be taking anyways, might as well! Now you’re really on top of the world, you need to tell everyone about your New Year’s Resolutions and how you’re a changed man so you find signal and furiously type away your Facebook update to tell the world of your new fangled resolutions. One more drink, it’s New Year’s Eve for God's sake! Everyone’s having fun, no need to spoil it. Selfie time! Hashtag New Years Eve Hashtag InstaFun Hashtag Catharsis.

You’re at the after party now and the drinks, the drugs, the selfies, and the life changing ideas are really flowing. That project you’re going to start working on is going to take 2014 by storm! You can’t wait to get up tomorrow to start your new life.

It’s 5PM on Jan 1st. You wake up, groggy eyed, subconsciously put a cigarette in between your lips, light it up and stumble around your room to find your phone. There’s a few missed called from mother, you were supposed to have lunch, but it’s fine you can just apologise to her later. More importantly, you've got to check the nonsense you put on Facebook the night before and then browse through to see what everyone else was doing. Rinse and repeat for the next 364 days.

It’s not about waiting for a day on the calendar to change your life, it takes a life time of mental strength training, taking it day by day, appreciating every single one of them, and respecting yourself enough to change, saying enough is enough right now to all the shit that’s dragging you down. If that’s too overwhelming to digest, then don’t worry, just have another smoke and relax: there’s always next year.