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Chili’s: Authentic Tex-Mex

We usually leave the reviews to our friends at Cairo 360, but our resident foodie, David Blanks, couldn't help but wax lyrical about the “authentic” “Tex-Mex” “food” at Chili’s…

Rating: ★★★★★

Finding good Tex-Mex food in the Middle East can be a demanding questions with very little answers. That’s probably because there are no Tex-Mexicans here, so it’s a double-edge sword. There used to be some Tex-Mexicans before the Revolution, but after that happened they all went back to El Paso and Juarez where it is safe and where you can find good fajita platters in the money laundering restaurants run by the drug cartel gangs.

Founded in 1975 in Dallas, Texas, Chili’s is still serving the same food after all these years and can be found in 49 states in the United State of America. Just not Alaska because it’s way too cold for Tex-Mexicans up there.

It can also be found in several international countries, except not in Australia because they were fined $300,000 Australian dollars, which is a lot, for underpaying their employees. Who are these complainers anyway? And so, as a result of the lawsuits and stuff, Chili’s closed all their shops and went home (just not to Alaska).

This is too bad because now if you visit Australia or live there, you cannot no more order Chili’s famous, mouth-watering appetizers like their Jumbo Soft Pretzels with cheese dipping sauce or the Loaded Potato Skins topped with cheese or the Southwestern Eggrolls with jalapeño Jack cheese (which you know are authentic ‘cause they have that little squiggly line thing on top of the n) or Classic Nachos with melted cheese or the Skillet Queso cheese dip or the Texas Cheese Fries or the Fried Cheese, which was our favorite since it was fried and didn’t have any vegetables or anything like that to distract you from the flavor of your cheese.

Finally!

Our top pick for the main dishes were the Chicken Fajitas and the Chicken Quesadillas and the Chicken Tacos, which are the only Tex-Mex dishes we know and we didn’t want to take the risk of ordering something we had never tried before. If you are a foreigner though, you might order something like Grilled Salmon with Garlic and Herbs or the Baby Back Ribs, but it looked weird to us and we didn’t want to get sick.

The chicken dishes that we devoured were all yummy and delicious and not cliché at all. The tacos were made with real tacos and the quesadillas (pronounced “cue-sa3-dill2as”) were flat and layered with fake bacon and Monterey Jack cheese and sauteed onions and green peppers. They forgot the pico de gallo sauce, but that was okay ‘cause we didn’t know what that was. The fajitas arrived sizzling on a hot pan and the waiter only dropped a little of it on one of my friends. The only thing that could have made it better is if they add cheese to the fajitas like they had on the quesadillas and nachos.

We had excellent desserts too like the Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie which sent us to paradise and the Frosty Chocolate Shake which was both frosty and chocolatey but we wouldn’t recommend the Cheesecake because it had some strawberry stuff on there and that just looked like it would ruin it because like, really, who puts fruit on their desserts?

A massive slice of Paradise (pie).

If you have never eaten at a Tex-Mex before or even if you have, this Chili’s restaurant has something for everyone in this category and others and the menu can even be enjoyed on a terrace—an outdoor one!—featuring beautiful views of the scenic, busy streets of Heliopolis. So just bring some friends and order whatever you want because it’s all the same and enjoy the sights and sounds of the city.

Best Bit: You don’t need Bey2ollak to know if there’s a traffic jam in Korba.

Worst Bit: If there is no traffic that day it is a bit boring but that hardly ever happens.

Tip: If you are really fat, you can order the diet cheese.


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