How can you have great sexpectations when you're doing it wrong?
Let us start by saying we understand how absurd this list of misconceptions are, but then again what does one expect when sex education is not taught in Egyptian schools, and parents treat the subject like an automatic ticket to hell? Children are then forced to learn about sex through the internet filled with fetishes and kinks that could leave the innocent terrified and misinformed.
That being said, here is the list of ludicrous things we learned that Egyptians believe about sex.
Believe it or not, some people actually believe that babies are delivered out of the anal canal, instead of the obvious vagina. The absurd logic being that a baby could never fit through the pee-hole. Let's be clear: babies come out of the uterus and not the urinary tract.
There is a common belief that babies are not conceived through the act of sexual intercourse, but are an instant by-product of simply signing a marriage contract.
One of the most popular things that we heard is that the act of kissing results in pregnancy. Let us be explicitly frank; you can only have a baby when a penis ejaculates into a vagina. Having oral or anal sex, as well as kissing, will not result in a baby, they are simply fun acts that can lead to the main event.
It is a common misconception that the act of sex will always hurt woman. This is not true, a majority of women can find intense pleasure from having sex. That is, of course, if her partner doesn't suck at it, and that their parents didn't forcibly remove her clitoris.
Another common belief is that deflowering a women will lead to a bloody flood of biblical proportions. Yes, often there is blood, and it can vary from a little to a lot, but at no point will your lover have to prepare by building an ark.
Many Egyptians believe in the process of re-virginisation. This apparently is when a woman who has lost her virginity tries to regain it by abstaining from sex for a long period of time. There is still no word exactly how long one must wait, but the period varies depending how misinformed they are. Sorry to be bearer of bad news but your hymen will never grow back, so enjoy.
This misconception is not only Egyptian, but is a global misconception battered into innocent by often parents or religious figures. It goes something along the line of masturbation leads to blindness, or weak knees or, worse yet, running out of precious semen. This is not true, the only thing masturbation leads to is a release of tension, stress and, most importantly, sexual frustration. If Egyptians masturbated more than perhaps we would have less sexual harassment and, by default, fewer harassing protesters.
There is a fear among women that tampons can tear your hymen and thus take away your virginity. It is true that there is a very, very small chance that this could happen, but so can riding a horse or aggressively twerking a pole, for that matter. Let's just agree you remain a virgin until a penis enters your birth hole.
Sadly there are many who think that a blow job means blowing into a penis like a balloon. This technique is terrible, and will likely lead to your lover telling you that you suck in bed - which you should have done from the beginning.
No amount of gay sex will lead to a baby, but a misconception that surrounds gay sex is the idea that the guy who is taking it, is gay, and then one who is giving it, is not. This is just sad and wrong. The truth is you are both gay, but that only one of you chooses to remain in the closet.