When it comes to picking holiday spots, we Egyptians are as predictable as we are in every other respect…
When it comes to traveling, we tend to be somewhat restricted, either by our imaginations or by bureaucracy. There are cities that host a flock of Egyptians every year for annual pseudo-wunderlusting sessions. Here are the top seven that keep us going back for more...
London, England (otherwise known as Landan)
From West to central London, the British capital is mostly made up of Arabs, so you can feel right at home without being at home.
You follow the Premier League religiously.
You will always have a friend, a cousin, a brother or sister studying in London.
It's close; just over two hour flight to Athens.
It's the new summer party destination for Egyptians now that El Gouna is mostly young and family orientated, Sahel is undeveloped and packed and Sharm is mainly full of cheap tourists. And the parties in Mykonos themselves, well, they look a bit different...
With its blue and white villas tightly squeezed together, lining up the white sand coastline, it makes the island super Instagrammable, perfect for making your friends back home feel a tad jelous.
For a city where everyone smokes hash, and scoring it is a hewar, Amsterdam is a damn Godsend. Drug legalities make Amsterdam a favorite for Egyptian stoners everywhere.
We're also a sexually frustrated city, so those flashing red lights are enticing. However, it's more likely that Egyptians won't actually go inside any of the Red Light District's booths, but instead stand outside judging and making jokes with their friends, take a picture and then go get more high.
Amsterdam is a city that takes it's House music and EDM as seriously as we do, and for any clubbers here, it's the place to be for some of the world's best festivals and line-ups.
It's the closest to Europe you're going to get without being in Europe, at just an hour and a half away by plane.
Everyone is beautiful. Look, but don't touch. Everything is beautiful as well, with the mountains making for a perfect backdrop to a bustling city.
Whether it's a local sandwich hole or a three star Michelin, the food (and service) everywhere is to die for.
They have a similar attitude when it comes to forgetting everything going on, even if the city is in political turmoil, where the thought is fuck it, let's party! Beirut's most famous nightclub B018 actually used to be a bunker.
It's the closest place to Egypt to indulge in winter sports like skiing and snowboarding.
No need for a visa.
The movie The Beach, set on the island of Ko Phi Phi with Leonardo Di Caprio is constantly on repeat on MBC 2. Phucket, you think, let's go.
Where do you think most of Cairo's fashion stores get their stock from? Shopping in Istanbul is a joy, latest collections at half the price and a whole industry selling cheap trendy jewellery.
Again, it's super close. Just a two hour flight.
And, you're obsessed with the Turkish soap operas on MBC 4.
It's a city that is eerily efficient and clean. Quite the opposite of Cairo.
It's the place to see and be seen for many an upper class Cairene, turning up to a lavish champagne party in Dubai says, "Hey, I'm successful, look at me!"
Because Lady Gaga, Pharell, Calvin Harris, Robbie Williams and the like, won't be coming to Egypt any time soon.