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Food for the City

Fast food is good, smart food is even better, finds foodie David Blanks.

“Your body is not a temple, it’s a playground.” Wish I had said that, but this one belongs to Anthony Bourdain, who is in some ways responsible for the whole food, sex and rock and roll thing that has swept the globe in the last ten years. He is also responsible for making and distributing a fair amount of “food porn,” most recently on TV show No Reservations.

This show pisses me off because he gets to travel the globe eating, drinking and writing. And he gets to sample some really cool stuff. A couple of days ago I watched the episode where he visits Thomas Keller’s place in the Napa Valley, The French Laundry. It’s the most famous restaurant in America and I’m jealous.

The thing I liked about this segment of the show is that there is no smoking at the French Laundry, which was driving Tony crazy, and the chef teased him by serving a coffee custard infused with Marlboro tobacco. This got me to thinking how perfect this would be for Cairo—and about what other foods and food accessories we need in the this city.

The first thing that came to mind was the revolution and how we need a food to go along with that. Fortunately we already have one.

Momen's Freedom Fries
Then I started imagining what else we really need in this city. First thought? An outlet of the Heart Attack Grill. This place is tailor-made for Cairo: they make Flatliner Fries (deep fried in pure lard); they don’t sell diet soda; they hand out candy cigarettes to kids; and they offer wheelchair service to any customer who finishes their 8000 calorie Quadruple Bypass Burger. Very nice, I’m sure, but we won’t be hearing about it from their 575-pound spokesman, Blair River, who died last year at the age of 29. If only they made deep-fried KitKats.
The Heart Attack Grill

Even more obvious, anything that will help us move through town. We could do this actually. Just this month, for example, Fiat has a new option out for the 500L that I think would really do well here.

If it’s eating on the road you’re worried about, you might want to go for the Ford Flex.

Best of all, especially for Cairo traffic, for example when you are Jonesing because you are stuck on Abu Feda and can’t make it to Goal where all your buddies are having their shisha without you, yep, you guessed it.

Evidently this inboard shisha works pretty well. As one enthusiast commented: “I have to be honest, when I ordered this thing I expected a lack of smoke due to the extreme small size, but when I took this thing in the car me and my brother were shocked to find that the car hotboxed in no time!”

Well there you have it. What could be better? Hell, when I got stuck in traffic I was on my way to eat, smoke and have coffee anyway. Now with my new mini-fridge, onboard shisha and espresso machine, who cares? The perfect food for the city.