This is why your Valentine's Day sucked. And this is how you fix it...
Valentine day is over, and for many it was a triumphant demonstration for the love you and your partner share. However this world is far from perfect, which is why some couples today woke up questioning their love after having the worst Valentine’s day ever. If you happen to fall into the latter group then here is a list what we assume went wrong and how you can attempt to fix it.
Spending Valentine’s Bitching About Consumerism
So you believe Valentine’s Day is a massive conspiracy designed to get consumers to spend money on a variety of useless gifts that prove you love your partner as much as the next consumer. Slow down their Che, you won’t be leading a revolution to end capitalism, but instead will be telling your lover that they are less important than EVERYBODY else.
The only fix we can think of for the idiot that didn’t see this being a problem is, if you are still together, then prove your love in a variety of ways on another day in the immediate future. However, make sure not to call it Valentine’s Day as that day is over. Whatever day you do pick should revolve around your partner and prove without a shadow of a doubt that they are more important than anyone or any day for that matter.
Choosing the Wrong Movie
Many couples love to couple a dinner with a movie as part of the day’s events. However, pick the wrong movie and very quickly your night turns sour, as whoever decided on the film is blamed. Valentine’s Day is all about romance, if you are going to see a movie, forget action and horror flicks, as the only movie you should see on this day usually involves Love in the title or will have a happy couple on their poster in whatever the Rom Com du jour is. The only way to salvage this situation, is for the person who picked the movie to admit that the movie was a bad choice, even if you liked it, and plan that your partner pick both the restaurant and film the next time, NO MATTER WHAT THAT MAY BE.
Forgetting to Make Reservations
Valentine ’s Day should come as no surprise. Every year it lands on February 14th, so there is no real excuse for forgetting to make reservations, and will instantly prove that you just another fish that deserves to be thrown back into the sea. If your relationship survived the romantic night at McDonald’s, we strongly suggest fixing the situation by reserving an expensive dinner for two at one of the many high end restaurants located in any of the luxurious hotels AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
Not Looking Your Best
Did you not bother to shower? Did you think ripped jeans and a ragged shirt count as romance wear? If so chances are you spent Valentine’s Day arguing about your appearance. No point in debating that you messed up the day by looking like a mess. Valentine’s day is all about showing off how much you love your arm candy. If you went out looking arm dirt, then the only way to save the relationship is by promising to make cleanliness a priority. Aside from that the only gift you can give that shows your serious is about making this change is to buy a new colour coordinated outfits for you and your partner that leaves no doubt that you are in love and fashionable.
If you think that a red teddy bear, a heart shaped chocolate box, or a dozen roses are a good gift, try again. Needless to say, if you opted for a mass produce Valentine-inspired present bought from a pharmacy, then expect an unhappy partner. A good Valentine's gift is supposed to be a thoughtful gift that your partner mentioned once upon a time. So we recommend thinking long and hard about something they previously mentioned, and buying it yesterday, but since you can’t you should buy it today in a last ditch effort to prove that you do care and you do listen.
Valentine’s Day is About Romance Not Sex
Valentine’s Day can lead to sexy results, however that is if you play your cards right. It is not a given, and if you start your day only trying to have sex, you may find that by the end of the day the only love you receive is from your own hands. The proper way of hinting for sex would have been to craft the perfect dinner filled with plenty of aphrodisiacs. You could also get the point across with tasteful lingerie; however make sure this gift is coupled with other thoughtful gifts so that they give you the present you were looking for from just sex. If you found yourself in this situation, we recommend not pushing for sex until your partner brings it up.
Letting Hallmark Express Your Feelings
There is nothing lamer in this world then being unable to express your love in your own words. We are sure that Hallmark has plenty of cards that say I Love You, but that isn’t the same as saying it yourself. If you are guilty of thinking a card would make your partner’s heart melt, then we suggest channeling your creative side in constructing a poem, a song, or your own personaliz\sed card. Even if it is the worst it is still better than anything you could buy, and proves that you spent some time reflecting on how your partner makes you feel.
Valentine’s Day is for Lovers Not Phones
So you dressed up, bought a thoughtful gift, and made dinner reservations. Definitely a great start, however if at dinner you spend more time looking at your phone than into your lover’s eyes, chances are your night did not end well. Social media isn’t going anywhere, however, your date might. If you ended up making this mistake yesterday, we recommend admitting that it was a bonehead move, and that you will make up for it by planning another day of events under the promise that you will turn your phone off for the day.
Forgetting It All Together
If Valentine’s Day means something to your partner and you totally forgot about it, then you may just be shit out of luck son. This may be a problem too big to fix, however, if you truly love your partner than perhaps the only way to salvage this mess is to book a surprise vacation RIGHT NOW, and hope she accepts it as an apology. That being said make sure you can get a refund as it is highly possible that the damage is done and your relationship is over.