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Reality Slap

Egyptian mothers have no qualms over slapping their children around. But how silly a reason is too silly? Karim Rahman investigates.

Egyptian mothers are some of the most colourful and eclectic people you will ever meet in your entire life. None are as richly diverse and as intricate as they are; worldwide parenting standards do not apply when it comes to your Egyptian mother. To her, Panadol is the solution to all your ailments, depression is something you only see on TV and your life is in the gutter because you don't pray. That's not to mention you have no option but to love her cooking. No option.

With all their eccentricities and quirks, Egyptian mothers also come with a side of poorly managed tempers. Say the wrong thing and you might get slapped or have a shebsheb thrown at you. Being somewhat of a privileged child, the only incident I remember of being hit was my mother throwing her Louboutins at me. But when Senior Staff Writer Ehab Boraie mentioned an incident where his mother slapped him, it got me thinking: are all Egyptian mothers crazed? Did my mother not care enough about me to hit me? I got my reporter hat on and gracefully hopped around the office gathering anecdotes and tidbits about Egyptian mothers' rage.

"I once got slapped because my mother didn't like the way I was eating my Burger King. One minute we're sitting at the dining table and the next my mother backhands me, screaming "Is this how you eat a Whopper?!" I was so confused." Eihab Boraie, Senior Staff Writer at CairoScene.

"My mother slaps me all the time and for absolutely no reason. She even gives me a heads up before she does it. It's like "I'm going to slap you now" and BAM! Last time she slapped me was a week ago, maybe." – Adam Mowafi, Partner at MO4 Network.

"My mother once slapped me because I told my dad that she'd said "ma3andoosh dam" about him. I was very bedan as a child." Reem Hashem, Account Manager.

"My mother slapped me because I ran away from home and eloped. But I think she had every right to." – Amy Mowafi, Partner at MO4 Network.

"I was spending ages sharpening pencils instead of doing my math homework, and my mum got over it and punched me in the arm." Hassan Hassan, Cairo Columnist.

The list can go on and on but you have to admit, no matter how slap happy they get, Egyptian mothers are the most caring, most brutally honest and most loving mothers you will ever meet. If you fuck things up, you know they'll be there to clean up your mess (after making you cry, obviously). And that, I think, is one of the best things anyone can ever ask for.