If you thought struggling on a desert island was hard, wait until Karim Rahman takes us through surviving on your last 50 LE of the month..
We all know living in Cairo can be tough. What with juggling traffic, heat, the occasional bitchy socialite and "som3etak", it's safe to say it's one of the hardest cities to live in. It's a roller coaster of emotions, a blur of socialite events, a haze of 9 to 5 jobs and an endless series of lectures from your grandmother about how you're 23 and still unmarried. It's also quite common knowledge that living in Cairo can be quite expensive. How can one manage to pay rent while simultaneously partying it up in the extravagant Cairo social scene? Flirting with bankruptcy seems to be the theme of life in the big city, or at least that's how I see it. I'm constantly running short on cash, never knowing if I should spend my hard-earned 100 LE on eating or buying those amazing new headphones I've been dying for.
This week, I find myself pilfering the last vestiges of my bank account: a lone 50 LE note. How am I going to survive the jungle that is Cairo with only 50 LE? I've compiled a list that should hopefully help me (and other broke, would-be socialities out there) survive until the mythical cash flow fairy pays my bank account a visit:
- Ignore that sale in H&M. Even though your wardrobe is an essential part of anyone's life, and no matter how badly you NEED those gorgeous pair of floral printed shorts, resolve and determination is key to survival. And no, bursting into the store and tearfully begging the cashier to put it on your tab is not appropriate. It is apparently frowned upon. Or so I've heard…
- What's a "want"? For this entire week, you are a desire-less entity. You want nothing. You NEED nothing. Food is for wimps. Cigarettes? Pftt! Get some wood, roll it up and smoke that shit. Gone are the days of Merits and Marlboros; it's back to nature for you!
- Avoid your landlord. If you're renting out a place and your landlord's been hounding you for your monthly payment, pretend you have an ailing sickness that allows you absolutely no human contact. Just make sure he doesn't see you going to work in the morning. If you have a flatmate and they ask you for the cash, kill them and stuff their body in the utility closet. No one opens that shit (don't lie, you probably haven't needed to take your vacuum out of that closet since you used to pretend the nozzle was a sword).
- Walk everywhere. If you have a car, you can't afford its running expenses. Fuel is for rich people. You are not rich. Instead, try the Metro. Contrary to popular belief, 1 L.E. can still take you places. Cabs are not an option.
- Time to break up with McDonald's. You can no longer afford a 4AM Big Tasty. It's been a nice run. Time to call that nice operator man and tell him it's just not working. It's not him, it's you. It's all you.
During this week, you will be tempted to cave in and sell everything you own/your body/your soul. DO NOT GIVE IN. You're strong. You can do this. Now excuse me, I have to go close the deal on my soul selling…