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The Importance of Bitches

Fuck the chicken and the egg. When it comes to the vicious dating cycle, who came first: the asshole or the bitch?

It constantly baffles me how Cairo is a city of such utter and complete juxtapositions. For a place that has so much potential, inhabitants of the big city that could (but wouldn't) constantly feel hopeless, jaded and frustrated. For a society that frowns upon pre-marital sex and where being seen at a bar automatically typecasts you as a mega slut, there is a surprising amount of bitches and assholes running around town, claiming the meager dating scene as their kingdom.

For clarification purposes, I'd just like to state that when I say bitch, I don't mean it as whore, slut or any variation of these terms (why Egyptians constantly confuse the two entities confuses me). I, however, mean it in the jaded-I-hate-life-and-everything-that-breathes-so-I'll-fuck-up-some-people-to-get-self-validation sense.

It's quite common knowledge that dating in this country is nothing if not a minefield. Between worrying about your public image, your family’s reputation, your date's public image, where you'll be seen and who you'll be seen with (because actual "just the two of us" dates are somewhat unfathomable in this country), it takes a seasoned expert to navigate through this volatile environment and emerge on the other side unscathed and (hopefully) with a spanking new relationship. On top of all of that, you live in a country where being an asshole/bitch is cool; nay, it is the norm. Not only will you have to worry about what you'll wear to a date (that's if you get one), you have to be hyper-aware that, 90% of the time, you're dating an asshole.

Remember that date I got from that ultra-weird party that (until today) I have no idea what it was about? I came out of that place all hopeful and optimistic and spewing self-help shit about variables and the magic and mystery of life. Well, I got stood up. No, actually, getting stood up would require that there be an actual date in the first place. To be more concise, I got blown off.

After exchanging a couple of texts with Blows-Me-Off (that's what I'm calling my "date") and after agreeing that we'd be meeting on Thursday for "a drink or two", I didn't get a call/text confirming the date. More importantly (and this really is the important part because it makes me feel better), I didn't text back asking if we were still on for Thursday; it's all a matter of pride. You don't roll your eyes at me at a party, text me saying you saw me at that same party, set up a day where we were supposed to go out for drinks (I was really looking forward to the drinking part), blow me off and then expect me to text you. That is not how I roll.

My bitter rant aside (because I AM completely over this), I met up with my friend Elle later that week for a much needed gossip/rant session (I'm over it). Elle wasted no time launching into a full description of how another friend of ours is currently stuck in an ambiguous "relationship" with this guy who Elle knows for a fact just wants to sleep with her before unceremoniously dumping her. In other words, our friend was dating an asshole. Elle herself just recently got out of an asshole love affair, only to get back together with her boyfriend (who is, by general consensus, also an asshole). Naturally, this got me thinking about the existence of assholes and bitches and how, miraculously, my friends and I (and probably half of the dating populous) always seem to fall for them. Upon first inspection, Blows-Me-Off seemed like a genuinely nice, albeit angry looking person; I would never have suspected that that very same person would be able to blow me off (I'm over it).

What was so attractive about assholes? What's so seductive about bitches? Why do we jump headfirst into something we know is only going to end up fucking us up pretty badly? Fuck the chicken and the egg. When it comes to the vicious dating cycle, who came first: the asshole or the bitch?

Here's the thing: nobody likes a boring relationship. Sure, a lot of people talk the talk about wanting a steady, stable and secure thing, something they can lean on. But when it comes to walking the dating walk, everybody's looking out for that fiery love affair; the one that's going to leave them screaming and begging for mercy, yet always going back for more. People date assholes because there's always the chance that they'll be the ones that got them to renounce their bad boy demeanour, settle down and get off their badass thrones. People date bitches because the prospect of taming them and claiming them as their own is exciting and it's thrilling and slightly misogynistic. What people don't realise is that they're only creating more assholes and bitches for the rest of us to deal with. Though seemingly perpetually stuck in that vicious cycle, I refuse to be turned into one of the mindless, heart-breaking, fuck-them-and-leave-them, blow them off (I'm over it) drones that seem to be circulating the dating scene. My unbridled optimism, although completely idiotic, is what sets me apart from a lot of people.

Besides, I can't turn into a mindless, sex obsessed asshole now. Artist is flying in on Saturday, on vacation from the land of the riches and the oil, and even though I've been trying to convince myself that it's time to ignore Artist and move on from something that's clearly never going to happen, I think I may have one more fight left in me before I decide to turn into a jaded, bitter old man with 40 cats.  


Todays Events
Test
Competition
Date: 11/26/2020
Time: 5:30pm - 8:30pm
Venue: Goethe Institute