One of the greatest pleasure of living in Egypt, is the mobile-stalkers who call you and say sexy words and all sorts of other fun things. Jody Kerr analyses this delightful trend...
It can happen at any time. They don’t care if you’re in the middle of a meeting, juggling your supermarket shopping or on your way to Bamboozle at 3am; your phone will ring.
You don’t recognise the number and you naively answer it. Immediately, you sink into a feeling of regret. You hear the infamous heavy breathing on the other end of the line followed by thick Egyptian accent whispering “Hello…”
We’ve all received these incessant calls and as Egyptians are so adaptable, each technique they have for getting on your last nerve is better then the last. But these sexually frustrated souls are more than just heavy breathers.
Ahmed, The Silent Type: He’s 30 years old, lives with his parents and has ZERO hope of getting married. He’s a romantic at heart, dialling random numbers, looking for his leading lady. He’s never actually spoken with a woman so it’s understandable that he gets nervous when you pick up. He’ll call you back several times, while he works up the courage to proclaim his love.
Mahmoud, The Charmer: His age is unknown, but he loves to call you baby. He’s a smooth talker that doesn’t take rejection well. You’ll notice a change in this firecracker when his “Hello, Hello’s” leaves little room for you to respond. He’s guaranteed to be a passionate lover.
Abdu, The Delivery Boy: He’s young and only there to deliver you a delicious McDonalds Tahena Burger, but was struck by your beauty. He took your number from the receipt and starts his pursuit almost instantly. In true schoolyard fashion, he didn’t know what to say so gives your number to his friends. You’ll know how much he cares by how many different numbers call you from.
Waleed, ‘The Dr. Of Strange Love’: Careful ladies: this guy is a heartbreaker. He doesn’t know what he wants. He’ll start out by asking you for a kiss, BUT when a male friend picks up, he’s suddenly seeking Dr. Mohammed. Proceed with caution, he probably has A LOT of girls on his speed dial.
Ali, The Finisher: He jumps straight to the chase, and can’t even wait to take you on a date before he ‘takes things to the next level’. Although he doesn’t say much, he’d spend all his credit for you to be on the line while he climaxes.
Although these chaps are all catches, they are persistent and not all of us are looking for love. You can’t stop these calls from coming (although we’ve all tried), however you can wean them off gently. Next time, let their credit run out by just setting your mobile down when they call, or pass it to your male friend, Dr. Mohammed.