Our in-house photographer, Ahmed Najeeb, gets his fair share of ridiculous requests (often from us) to the point where he's managed to comprise a list of the crazy things he always hears as a photographer.
As a seasoned photographer, I've already been exposed to almost every type of photography - from capturing moments at weddings and concerts to climbing the highest hill of some mountain to get a kick-ass landscape. Some people already know how much effort we put into our work to produce a photo that you might not even look at for more than a minute; some people don't understand how hard our job is. To those who think photography is a piece of cake, THIS IS A CRY FOR HELP! Here are some problems we photographers have to deal with all the time, over and over and over…
YOU CAN’T SHOOT HERE!
“Mamnoo3 ya ostaz el tasweer hena” - for no reason, it’s just mamnoo3. As far as I know, in the States anyone can shoot anywhere as long they're not setting down any kind of tripod on the ground - you need a clearance for that, but at least it makes sense. Oh, well; welcome to Egypt!
Discount, please! Come on, I have a lot of friends I can hook you up with.
All of our clients always - and I mean ALWAYS - ask us for a discount as if their personal budget is just enough to buy themselves a coffee or a pack of cigarettes. They're so generous, though - they’ll always try to offer us some kind of exposure instead of paying us what we deserve. Trust me, they'll never do it; they'll just vanish in their Rolls-Royce and take all those supposed friends with them.
Can you Photoshop that?
Once you show a client a before-and-after of a photo they basically assume you're a Photoshop miracle worker. They don't realise that some basic standards need to be met before Photoshop can help make the photo look even better. No, no - instead, the client gets fat, doesn't shave, or sometimes shows up to a morning photo shoot without even washing their face (I swear this happened once). Their justification? "Oh, yeah, you can just Photoshop that." That's not quite how it works.
Your camera is so good.
No shit! Of course it is; I thought long and hard before buying it! I won’t spend $4,000 on gear that doesn’t get me good results. But, come on dude, do you think the camera works by itself? It’s like telling a chef that his food is great because he has all the proper plates, forks, and knives.
I like it like that!
It took us years to learn how to use these damn contraptions, and how to abide by every rule in the art and science that is photography, all just to get a good picture at the end of it all. We really don’t like people telling us what to do. Calm down, rookies; I'm talking about the photography masters. Of course we'd love to hear all your ideas, but try not to boss our asses around with everything because, honestly, no photographer would give you a bad photo if it has their name on it. If they do, don't work with them again.
Don’t post the pictures on Facebook, please!
Every time I hear this I just go to my camera and delete the photos immediately. Why? Because social media is the most important thing to a freelancer; it’s the only way to expand and get exposure. If the photos can’t be published under the photographer's name then it isn't even worth taking the photo.
Can I have all the other photos, too?
To some people, the quantity of the photos is more important than the quality. This is the worst when it comes to wedding photograph - people start to compare the amount of photos they got from you and what they got out of another photographer. “El photographer ely kona gaybeno feh fara7 bent 5alty edany 2000 sora!”
Can you edit this photo for me?
Do you think I’m going to be able to get the best out of any photo if it’s not taken in a well-lit place and with all the proper settings? We’ll never be able to edit photos we didn’t take. Please understand this. We're not retouchers.
No one will understand the difference between all your photography gear.
You might get a shoot on short notice that you have to be at but you don't bring some of your equipment because it's actually pretty heavy and you assume you won't need it - or you don't even own a particular piece of equipment because it isn't necessary in your specialty. I'm a portrait and lifestyle kind of guy - why would I have a wide angle lens that I won't need? For all you non-photographers, these bitches are extremely expensive for a freelancer to afford. We'd love a brief so we can take our time to process what we need in order to get the perfect pictures. We're artists; we actually become miserable if we give you a photo that you might like while, to us, it's totally useless and inartistic. Help us do our jobs and deliver you guys some art!
Can you take out your logo? My mom wants to frame it.
Ummm… HELL NO!