Here's your comprehensive guide to some of the gems you can find on Tinder in Egypt...
Tinder is awesome! I cannot begin to describe the wonderful guys I met on this app. True nothing came of it yet, but some were lovely dates; one was an ex of a seven-month bittersweet relationship, and some are fine gentlemen I am chatting to now to see where things go. Apart from the fact that Tinder is a brilliant dating app that allows you to meet people of an age range and within a distance you determine, it can be highly entertaining. It took me a while to master the art of swiping right and left at record speed and filtering fast through potential matches. I’m lucky though, because I’m a woman and there are loads of men on Tinder. Sadly, there aren’t as many women for some reason.
So here’s a guide to show you 15 categories of people you can find on Tinder, listing the gender they belong to, and whether or not you should go for it; swipe left and avoid them or swipe right at your own risk. They are mostly stereotypes as are all lists and categories. So make sure to use your better judgement, and take this guide with a grain of salt. Anyone can be a gem. Also, anyone can be a psycho.
The Happily Married Family Man. Mostly men. Swipe left.
This man’s profile pics are a collection of happy wedding photos, or him with the wife taking a selfie, or him with the wife and the kids. He is ecstatically happy in all photos. What he wants exactly, no one knows.
The Proud Muslim. Men and women. Unless that’s your thing, swipe left.
The proud Muslim’s photos range between Qur’anic verses, Ahadith, prayers against a background of nature (usually roses or a sunset), and the latest rage, a selfie with the Ka’aba. Always remember, as a rule of thumb, most photos that seem to be making a statement, are doing exactly that. Beware people who are making a statement. Stick to the neutral profiles.
The Single Parent. Men and women. Go for it.
Pretty much normal, posing with photos of their kids and pets amongst other photos. They're just trying to tell you they have a kid. Beware if all photos are of the kid alone…you’re dealing with someone unbalanced in one way or another. They could fall under other categories as well.
The Patriot. Men and women. I say, swipe left. But that’s just me.
It’s amazing how many Sisis there are on Tinder. Showing off patriotism? Or appealing to the silly women who worship him? That’s up for debate.
The Terrorist. Mostly men. SWIPE LEFT!
The Platonic Idiot. Men and women. Swipe left.
Here we have a plethora of statements that all mean the same thing. If you think Tinder is for making friends, you're an idiot.
“No drama, no hook up, no relationship. Just friends.”
“I’m NOT looking for sex, and I’m NOT looking for a relationship. If you don’t agree SWIPE LEFT.”
Way ahead of you moron.
Mr. Muscleman. Mostly men. Go for it.
I swiped right automatically at the first sight of Mr. Muscleman. I was still a Tinder newbie. I couldn’t help it; a basic instinct replaced my faculties of reason. The problem with Mr. Muscleman, is that's all he is, and all he sees himself as. Usually all his photos are showing off biceps, and his neutral pose is a mirror selfie at the gym looking big and bulky. Though Mr. Muscleman can be kind and gentle, and a pretty damn good lay, there is absolutely nothing to talk about at breakfast.
Mr. and Ms. Mystery. Men and women. Swipe left.
Divided into three categories. The Invisible Man/Woman, The Shady Abstract, and the Personality Reflecting Images, that can be anything from a shark, to Kermit the Frog.
What are we supposed to do exactly? No name, no photo, no written profile. Should one be charmed by the awesome combination of your beard and sunglasses? Think you’re funny posting a photo of Homer Simpson? What exactly are you trying to say by posting a photo of a Great White? We’re swiping left.
The Accidental Tourist. Men and women. At your own risk.
Always a foreigner, and their profile is always in their not so widely spoken language so you can’t tell anything about them except by looking at the photos. Though you do know one thing for sure; they’re looking for a quick one night stand or a fling for the duration of their stay.
The Hooker. Mostly women. At your own risk.
Usually women, or transgender women. The problem is they may not be honest with you from the start and only tell you after you meet up that they offer services for money. Most are straightforward once they figure out whether you’re a cop or not. Sometimes found under The Accidental Tourist category.
The Expat. Men and women. Go for it.
Unlike the accidental tourist, this one could be looking for something serious as much as they are looking for anything that comes their way. The Expat can fall under ANY other category in this article but with the expat touch. So if they fall under Mr. Muscleman, add to that a whole bunch of tattoos, and a slightly higher chance of having something to discuss at breakfast (if he stays till then that is).
The Peacock. Mostly men. At your own risk.
Takes photos with things he doesn’t own believing that it will somehow make him look more attractive. Most men under this category take photos leaning on a fancy car (to appear suave and rich), or a friend’s massive bike (to appear to be the bad boy, young at heart) and the one that poses with a puppy or a dog that aren’t his (to appear nurturing, trustworthy, and brave), or riding a horse to display power, or kissing a dolphin at some pathetic park, displaying kindness (overlooking the fact that the dolphin is in miserable captivity).
The Lifestyle Showoff. Men and women. Go for it.
This type is divided into several categories: The World Traveler, The Extreme Sport Junkie, The ‘I excel at ALL sports’ athlete, and the Ever So Popular Party Animal/Beach Bum/Babe. Word of caution, sometimes they project the image of themselves that they want others to think, even though it is far from reality. Chat and see where things go.
The Professional. Mostly men. Go for it.
This is divided into The Office Man, The Corporate Big Shot, The Doc, and The Pilot amongst other professions. They are definitely proud of their jobs, which says good things about them. But then again, as always, you never know. Beware the cabin crew posing as a pilot.
The Perfect Catch. Men and women. Go for it.
Unlike everyone else on this list, this person has an AMAZING profile. They’re attractive to you, not boasting anything in particular, show a variety of neutral photos, and maybe even have a couple of lines about themselves that seem reasonable. The problem with this person appears when you match and start texting. (Though this applies to ALL categories above as well.)
One of the following scenarios can ensue:
- They’re unhappily married/ separated/ in a complicated relationship
- You get this line “So when are we going to fuck?” or the more sophisticated “I want you.”
- Their vocabulary is very limited and there are so many words misspelt, you start doubting their education and the social standard they portray. You discover they stole someone else’s profile.
- They sound as amazing as you thought they were; eloquent, well read, smart, and wonderful. But they keep avoiding meeting up. A couple of weeks or a month later (depending on your tolerance), after they have swept you off your feet electronically, they make the confession. The photos aren’t really theirs. You then think to yourself…’ok looks aren’t everything’ blinding yourself to the fact that they are big fat liars with extremely low self esteem, and you tell them it’s ok, I don’t care what you look like. The result is more often than not, a major disaster. Because ultimately you’re dealing with someone who has no confidence, low self esteem, and is a liar…all unattractive traits that take a toll on one’s gait, appearance, and the way they dress. You’re right it’s not about looks, it’s about an unattractive personality that embeds itself in appearance.
- They’re too liberal or too conservative for you.
- There’s no chemistry
- They have 2 dogs and 2 cats and you’re allergic
- They’re allergic to your two dogs and two cats.
- They have a serious heroin habit that is ‘under control’
- They’re unemployed at 40 and taking an allowance from dad.
- They’re irresponsible day dreamers
- They’re too dependent/independent, clingy/cold and distant.
The point is there could be anything wrong with them. That said the following scenario is also a possibility:
- You have yourself a girlfriend/boyfriend.