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7 Reasons Why 'The Mummy' Reboot Will Suffer From the 'Gods of Egypt' Curse

Our eyes are burning after watching the so-called reboot of The Mummy franchise starring Tom Cruise. So upset, we decided to give seven reasons The Mummy trailer is cursed.

Who could forget last year's epic whitewashing flop, Gods of Egypt. Just when we thought no Ancient Egypt film could be worse comes Tom Cruise and The Mummy reboot. The trailer was released this week and has already amassed over 11 million views and attracted many angry comments claiming this has nothing to with the original comedic thriller. Although the trailer has a badass plane crash, it seems to offer none of the charm of the original, so we compiled seven reasons why The Mummy is poised to fail. 

Once again, Tom Cruises is blessed with extraordinary powers as he gets tossed around in a plane that crashes into earth and somehow manages to come back from the dead without a scratch – a slightly less impressive feat than looking like a prepubescent teen for all of his acting career.

Where’s Brendan Fraser’s wit? Where are the 1930s? Where are the Moroccans dressed like Egyptian? This is clearly not a reboot. #Notmymummy #WhereisBrendan.

Trying their best to avoid the Gods of Egypt whitewashing curse, the film enlists the very sexy French-Algerian Sofia Boutella but fails miserably by literally painting her white.

Oh, goodie. Another destruction-porn film. Has it been a minute already? Seriously, how many times has the film industry destroyed London this year? Hey! Mummy! On behalf of Egyptians, please do not destroy London. I know they stubbornly won’t lift the travel ban, but the last thing Egyptians need is to have to deal with Europeans' newfound Egyptophobia.

Russell Crowe is in this? So even when the studio hires a foreign actor for a film called The Mummy, it's an Australian.

Russell Crowe is helping the Mummy destroy London? Why not an Egyptian, an Arab; but an Australian Oscar winner that commands millions of dollars and earns you a whitewash label? Egypt’s government would have given you anyone, and we mean anyone, for any American dollars. Hell, Fifi Abdou would have done it for five pounds and would have saved the studio plenty of money on make-up and CGI effects. 

Why even accept this role, Russel Crowe? This is not the way to get back into Oscar contention. We expect this from The Last Samurai, but not a Gladiator. #WhyTomCruiseHasNoOscar

Here's the trailer for you to judge for yourself. Spoiler alert: over half of the trailer is of a plane crash, while the other half looks like Mummy Impossible.